Smoking = temporary sanity!

I once read some place in the vast land called the internet, that in order to keep one's sanity there are a few cardinal rules to follow:

• Take time for one's self
• Find a personal hobby or distraction
• Meet with friends frequently
• Laugh alot
• Live in the now

It's a well known fact that we encounter many lemons through the span of one's lifetime.  However if we all try to make a little lemonade once in a while life may not be so bad.  

Theses are often hard rules to follow, as a new step-parent.  I tend to try and pick my battles, though I've caught myself often running outdoors to do a little smoke therapy.  I know, its not the best of ways to deal with my little episodes, however it does seem to give me a few minutes to reflect therefore making more rational decisions.  I hide my Benson & Hedges trysts from the boys, (monkey see, monkey do right?) , but I am quite sure they know the dog does NOT have to pee THAT often. Wouldn't it be nice to be blatantly honest and say "I do this instead of biting your head off." despite the horrific look intended to make non-evil step-parents melt?

My spouse is very understanding as he already knows I need these little jaunts, or I would internally combust.

I will continue to scour the internet, in search of the perfect way for me to feel comfortable in my new capacity. In the mean time, the promise of a child-free week-end, along with the promise of march break looming in the near distance, keeps me going strong.  What should I do with all this child-free time, oh the possibilities... My spouse has many recommendations, as most men do.  Only three more sleeps!

Week-ends...

Tensed, head ache, having trouble concentrating, aggressiveness, what is going on here?  Ahh its the week-end.
I always dread the week-end, scared that what ever I say or do will be considered as me being a miserable wicked witch!
Well this time I tried something new, to ease myself in, maybe help take the stress off.  I read some place that to make this transition easier, I need to find things to do.  I set out on this adventure, looking at community classes, or sports, event thought I should get a puppy.  Well there were no sports or classes out there, and a puppy, really? Not my most brilliant idea.  So I did the next best thing set up dinner with one of my dear friends, adult time away from my spouse and the kids.  I could almost hear the ice in my margaritas.
After a nice dinner and great conversation, I headed back home. Slightly scared of what I was going to walk in on.  I knew the house would consist of three 10-12 year olds, not to mention my spouse's poker buddies.As expected the house was in a slight mess, and quickly I began to see red, kids were everywhere, my spouse was playing with his buddies and no-one bothered to tidy the kitchen after dinner?
Well I began to lets say growl, trying to remember to breathe, that at least the kids were not doing drugs.
 It was very difficult to not sweat the small stuff.  I was pretty disgruntled, to me this seemed as a form of disrespect. With that the children would be quick to follow in the foot steps of the father.  What was I doing here?
I tidied the kitchen, changed in more relaxed clothes, and looked up other ways to help me along in dealing with the little challenges headed my way.
I've always wanted to write, and what better way than to blog? I quickly began typing, words flowing.  And to my satisfaction it seemed to work.
Saturday I escaped again to work. Three o'clock I was soon to head back home, and the dread began again.  What was I to find today?
I was happily surprised the boys had done their chores, house was in one piece, what more could I ask for?
I quickly relaxed.
Not long after did I notice that there was a lack of respect, in this house.  It seemed that our oldest had a friend visiting, and to make himself look good, he would use attitude or defy our decisions.  I sat my spouse down and we decided there would be a family meeting, Sunday.  We would remind our boy of the rules that had to be followed and give him once again the explanation.  However the attitude continued, as did the lack of respect.  To that we began to take away privileges and his allowance.  It was easily seen on the boys face that he was not very happy with us, however we advised him we would talk about it Sunday.  
Sunday was quick to pass.
With our youngest  going back with his mom, always a sad time for us.  The house was once again quiet,  we sat the oldest down, time for our family meeting and discuss the issues at hand.  It seemed well received.  I was cautious, were we too lenient?  Is this how normal families function?  Does every mother have these thoughts?  Why is there is still  no place for me??

The great beginning!

  I've become a new step-parent just 4 weeks ago.  My history, is simple I am was a single woman of 30-something, when I met the man of my dreams.  However, I never dreamed I would become a STEP-PARENT.  Not to mention for two boys, who are 10 and 12 years old.  I know, I know in this day and age there are not many single men around that do not have children.  
  They say its not easy to become a parent, that there is no official instruction manual on how to raise them from birth.  What about us who become parents later on in the life of children.  How should you act? What can you do? And when should you step in? We are not biological parents, so WHAT SHOULD I DO??
  When it was finally decided that we were going to be full-time parents of the oldest, I was, in a nut-shell nervous, scared, shy, worried, you name it! Is this like facing a Kodiak bear in the woods "show no fear".  I have no past experience with children on a full time basis, and we only had them every second week-end, for the last year, so you can imagine my distress.
First days were interesting, I was cleaning, cooking, organizing our new house, all the while trying to keep my thoughts from running to "YOU'RE NOT MY MOTHER!!" scenarios.
What was I going to do?
  I happily ran to work, in the hopes that some of my customers would, shed some light onto my new situation.  I got some advice, but not really in the way I needed.  I then scoured the internet, and discovered that there is not much out there for people like me.  
  Lost and slightly depressed, I was not looking forward to going home to a house that did not quite feel like I belonged.  My spouse, noticed my change in mood, and quickly became concerned.  After a few days of me "trying" to deal with my concerns, we talked. He was a little nervous himself having been in his sons life only every second week-end, for the last few years, Which really helped  me calm down. We came up with a few simple rules, and agreed we would not let him use us against each other. This felt like we were planning for a battle.  
  Now to explain this to "The Boy"...
  My nerves were so wound up, I thought I would have to scream out at the top of my lungs.  Turns out not necessary.  He listened as we talked. It is done, now we cross our fingers and hoped it was well absorbed.
I hope my sudden face-plants, in the reality I now face daily, will help others, and maybe we can share ways to survive the 12 year old apocalypse!